Pegasus's Wardrobe Change
by VampireUnicorn
Summary: Yami Bakura and I convince Pegasus that he needs a different color suit... but what begins as a mere wardrobe change becomes a disaster... Hello insanity, darkness, chaos, an evil spirit inhabiting a suit, and blowtorches... Pegasus/Bakura
1. A Change for the Better?

Authoress's Note: Okay. This is fanfic is to combat the idea that Pegasus is evil. Pegasus is one of my favorite characters. I love his accent, and we have similar fashion sense (but I still wouldn't be caught dead in a suit of that color). This is a one-timer. 

Don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh." Never did, probably never will. 

YAMI BAKURA WILL BE JUST PLAIN BAKURA IN THIS REALLY SHORT STORY!

Pegasus: *drinking blood out of a wine bottle* *lets out a groan* That is the last time I try to be nice to people. Why don't they like me?

Bakura: I think it's your suit, Pegasus.

VU: I agree with Bakura. I love the ruffles, very classic of you, but that suit is of a totally wrong color.

Bakura: *snickers*

Pegasus: Can I help it if Croquet accidentally put bleach in with all of my crimson velvet suits? I'm lucky he didn't ruin my ruffled shirts!

Bakura: You always have some excuse for that suit. Last week it was something about him doing your shopping for you.

Pegasus: Well, when you're a vampire it is kind of hard to go to stores during the day. 

Bakura: That doesn't stop you from sitting in a room during full sun staring at a comic book. What's the real reason?

Pegasus: People hate me.

VU: It's the suit. You're progressing rapidly with your psychiatrist.

Pegasus: The guy's not intelligent. He told me to steal souls to get over my phobia of staring into the eyes of soulless people. I keep telling myself it's for Cynthia, but what's the point now?

VU: We'd better watch it… he might go for the window again… *looks at Bakura* 

Bakura: I have been reading one of Ryou's books about color vibrations. Apparently the color you wear can affect your moods.

VU: So the mental problems could be the result of that suit?

Bakura: Yes. It just so happens that I went shopping for him. *holds up a beautiful crushed velvet suit in dark green* 

VU: It's beautiful…

Pegasus: *several shades paler now* Not the suit… not the suit! *runs around the room searching for an exit* VU, write in the door NOW!

VU: No. We're doing this for your own good. We love you, Pegasus!

Pegasus: You'll never take me alive!

Bakura: *rips Pegasus's jacket off* Now, listen up! If you give me what I want I'll kiss you on the mouth.

Pegasus: But we do that all the time!

Bakura: Not with blood…

Pegasus: Well… my jacket is already off… *is now in the gorgeous ruffled shirt* *looks like an angel dragged here from the nineteenth century* 

Bakura: *takes off his pants* Pegasus, you're a little small down there… RED BIKINI UNDERWARE?!

VU: *covers eyes*

Pegasus: *blushes* It's comfortable! *gets into the pants*

Bakura: *holds up a box* No more white slippers. These are black leather thigh-length boots… they'll look absolutely gorgeous on you…

*several minutes later*

VU: Can I look now?

Bakura: *kissing Pegasus on the mouth* *several drops of blood are falling onto the expensive carpet* *mumbles something unintelligible*

Pegasus: *pulls away* *licks lips* You can look now, VU. 

VU: *stares at him* You look… nice. 

Pegasus: *grins* *looks like an angel*

VU: *faints*

Bakura: *snickers* So, where were we, Pegasus?

Pegasus: I think we were at the part where you and I take this bottle and put some Anti-Evil Character people in their places…

Bakura: That's just what I was thinking… *puts my arm around him*

*more kissing* *they both walk out the door*

VU: *groans* *starts to wake up* Where am I? OH MY GODDESS! Where did they go? *lower lip trembles* WAAAAH! They left me here alone! *cries*

THE END

PLEASE REVIEW WITH YOUR COMMENTS! IF YOU ARE MENTALLY MATURE, PLEASE READ _THE LIGHT IN THE DARK!_


	2. The Evil Suit

Authoress's Note: At first I thought this would be one-shot, but then I kind of discovered that there just might be some sinister thing going on here… I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh!" or anything else… *cries* I don't even own "Behind Blue Eyes" by the Who. 

Italics are either thoughts or Yami-Hikari communication. 

*the sun is just setting* *creepy music starts playing*

Pegasus: I like this new suit.

Bakura: I like you when you're suit-deprived…

Pegasus: *furious blush* Do you want to go clubbing tonight with me?

Bakura: *evil grin* *takes out a big club* Dark alleyways? Really stupid people wandering about at night?

Pegasus: *takes out a matching club* Yup! *gets an evil grin on face*

Bakura: _I wonder what my little aibou is doing tonight…_

*diabolical laughter*

Bakura: *looks around* What was that?

Pegasus: I thought it was you! It definitely was not me! *strikes a defensive pose*

Bakura: You mean it was someone hiding in the shadows again?! Why do they always do that to us!

The Suit: _Mwahahahaha__… soon the world will be **mine**__! *more diabolical laughter*_

Bakura: Let's get out of here!

Pegasus: I agree…

*somewhere several miles away at Ryou's house* *insane take-over-the-world laughter*

Ryou: *is reading a book*

(Some nameless fan-girl: *looks at the cover from where she is reading the story* _How to Take Over the World in Thirty Hours or Less. NO! RYOU!)_

Ryou: *insane laughter* I will be the world's dictator! All of them will cower before me. Yes, even my abusive yami! I shall conquer the world!

*ding-dong*

Ryou: *looks up at the sound of the doorbell* *screams* COME IN! 

Yugi: Hello, Ryou! *walks into the living room, unusually perky*

Ryou: Oh, it's just you. *goes back to reading the book* I am _very happy to see you._

Yugi: Are you okay, Ryou? Your accent sounds a little weirder than usual.

Ryou: I must have the weirdest accent possible to take over the world!

Yugi: *backs away and checks to make the spare straitjacket is still in the backpack* Um… okay. Have you been hanging out with Pegasus lately?

Ryou: NO! IT WASN'T ME! *holds up book* I FOUND IT ON THE STREET SOMEWHERE! I DIDN'T STEAL IT FROM PEGASUS'S "HOW TO TAKE OVER" BOOKSHELF!

Yugi: *eyes go all watery* *is about ready to cry* 

Ryou: Uh… Yugi?

Yugi: Yes?

Ryou: Is that a dress?

Yugi: *sniffle* Yes…

Ryou: Your Yami lost "Rock, Paper, Scissors" _again?_

Yugi: It's the only game other people can beat us at. That Millennium Eye of Pegasus is starting to get very tempting… 

*the door slams*

Bakura: Ryou, I'm home, and that little punk Yugi better not be in there when I reach the living room!

Ryou: Too bad, because is his there!

Bakura: *pretends to be really angry* _Note to self: happy dance in soul room later._

*diabolical laughter*

Bakura: Ryou, was that _you?_

Ryou: No! It most certainly was not!

*more diabolical laughter*

Bakura: Pegasus, was that you?

Yugi: PEGASUS IS HERE?! I thought you said Bakura broke up with him after I pretended to cry.

Ryou: Well, I lied. I rather approve of their relationship, unlike _some anti-homosexual people. You seem to think it's being straight when you do it with Yami and different for everyone else!_

Yugi: YOU READ MY DIARY AGAIN! WAAAH!

Pegasus: *walks into the living room with Bakura* You know, weird things have been happening lately…

*Yami comes out*

Yami: Pegasus! Did you just make Yugi cry? *dangerously* If you did—

Pegasus: No, I believe it was Ryou. *sees the book he's holding* *gives Ryou a little stare*

Ryou: I don't want to talk about it.

Pegasus: Well, I do! You took that out of my bookshelf! And nobody can take over the world using a book!

Ryou: I know. *lies* I'm using it for research. I had to do a book report on a self-help book. 

Pegasus: *isn't using the Eye's powers at the moment* Oh. I thought you might be doing something awful…

Ryou: Well, I'm not.

Bakura: *gives Ryou a look* _You're__ really in for it later, aibou, if you don't shut up. _

Ryou: _No, you __shut up!_

Bakura: *HAPPY DANCE*

Pegasus: *pretends I'm not here watching this* *whispers in a very good tenor voice that almost borders on falsetto* No one knows what it's like to be the bad man… to be the sad man… behind blue eyes…

Yami: Pegasus, you liar! You don't have blue eyes!

Pegasus: I know. Everyone from my faulty relationships has had blue eyes. So I am behind the blue eyes, really. 

Kaiba: *pops out of a secret hideout in the wall* Besides, Pegasus, YOU STOLE MY THEME SONG!

Pegasus: *calmly* I am, what, two hundred years older than you? I was there when that song was _made. It was mine before it was yours._

Kaiba: BUT THEY ARE MY BLUE EYES!

Pegasus: Don't make me use the Eye.

Kaiba: THIS IS A PLOT TO STEAL MY BLUE EYES!

Pegasus: If I wanted them, you would have lost them by now.

Yami: Pegasus, how about we play a game? It's a simple enough game for you to understand; we each draw a card and the one with the highest value wins.

Pegasus: *snickers* Fine, Yugi-boy. *draws a card* *keeps it hidden*

Yami: *closes eyes a draws a card* *opens eyes* *screams really loud* KURIBOH! *gets down on hands and knees and starts crying* 

Pegasus: *rolls eyes* You forgot the Heart of the Cards. Your heart wasn't in it, therefore you lost. The Heart of the Cards always knows what is right and what is wrong. A duelist of your caliber should know that.

Kaiba: *eye twitches* It's not fair! *stamps feet*

Bakura: Pegasus, I think something is wrong with Ryou.

Pegasus: No kidding. I think they've all been having a little too much wine.

Bakura: Ryou's a vampire. He can't drink wine!

Pegasus: Yes, but he probably has been drinking some of that stuff I bled from Croquet when he was drunk.

Bakura: There's something else that's wrong with him. It's his mind. I can feel a powerful magic…

Yami: IT WASN'T MY FAULT! *continues crying* Something's making me feel so whiny and pathetic!

Kaiba: *dryly* I can't imagine why…

Bakura: Now you know how it feels.

*diabolical laughter*

*everyone looks around*

Bakura: That was NOT coming from Ryou!

Kaiba: Pegasus, your suit is glowing!

Pegasus: *screams* GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

The Suit: I will divide and conquer!

Pegasus: I think he said it wrong…

The Suit: Well, I haven't read a book in a while.

Bakura: You were saying…?

The Suit: You will all be my loyal slaves! Your precious Ryou will help me conquer the world! Together, we shall rule the galaxy as father and son!

Kaiba: You're not his father.

The Suit: Oh well; we'll still rule the galaxy together. And this body will act as my carrier!

Pegasus: Oh, please… *snicker*

The Suit: *glows even brighter* YOU WILL ALL FEEL MY WRATH!

Pegasus: Ow! It burns! Trust Yami Bakura to give me a possessed suit!

Bakura: I didn't know it was possessed!

Kaiba: *insane laughter* I have three blue eyes…

Pegasus: *hisses to Bakura* Does he have a problem with his eyesight or does he have schizophrenia? I only see two blue eyes.

Bakura: He likes mumbling things like that.

Pegasus: Oh. I _see._

The Suit: *tries to take over Pegasus's body* 

Pegasus: *screams* NO YOU DON'T! *strips down to the ruffled shirt and undergarments*

Kaiba: *snicker*

Bakura: *drool*

Ryou: *insane laughter*

Yami: WAAAH! *sniffle*

The Suit: *stands up* You fools! *glows even brighter* I am invincible!

Everyone: *screams and runs for the door*

The Suit: *is in mad pursuit*

*front door goes thud*

Ryou: What is that thing? Why am I holding this book?

Yami: Where did these tears come from?

Pegasus: Whatever it was, we have it trapped inside the Bakura residence. As long as we don't let it out, we'll be fine… I hope… *the door splinters*

Bakura: In ordinary English, that means, "RUN!"

*the door splinters and breaks down*

The Suit: ROAR! *boom, boom, boom* ROAR!

Everyone: *screams as loud as possible*

*CLIFFHANGER*

Should I continue with this or be evil and just leave the story as it is? *smiles at everyone* I feel evil…


	3. Accepting; More of the Suit

Authoress's Note: Here is the next chapter! I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh!" **_AND I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST ANY RELIGIONS! Some of them have slightly annoying members, but it's the person's fault. For the purposes of this story, I made a Christian faction called the Church of Liberators. It is in no way based on any church I have ever heard of._**

Kaiba: *trails behind everyone else* *takes a right into a nice little side street* *looks in pocket for the wad of hundred-dollar bills*

Kaiba: TO THE FLOWER SHOP!

*scene change*

*some nice Mozart music starts playing* *we see Téa meditating in the center of the room* *there are cards spread out systematically around her*

*the door slams below*

*gasping breaths* 

*downstairs…*

Pegasus: Are you sure we got away from that thing?

Yami: I sure hope so. Wait; where is Yami Bakura?

Ryou: He went into the Ring as soon as we started running. Where is Yugi?

Yami: He doesn't run very fast.

Pegasus: *rolls eye* I don't _have a yami. _

Ryou: No, you don't. You have an insane suit that wants to take over the world.

Pegasus: But it isn't a yami.

Ryou: I don't care if it isn't a yami!

Yami: You guys aren't talking about me, are you?

Pegasus and Ryou: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU?!

Pegasus: *murmur* Self-centered obsessive fop…

Ryou: *at the same time as Pegasus* *murmur* Bloody idiot…

Yami: *snicker* I swear you two act exactly alike!

Pegasus and Ryou: I DO NOT ACT EXACTLY LIKE HIM!

*Téa comes down the stairs in nice clothes custom-designed for meditation*

Téa: You guys, I was trying to meditate. Would you mind being quiet?

Yami: You… meditate?

Téa: Yes.

Yami: Anything in specific you were meditating on?

Téa: I hate homosexuals.

Yami, Pegasus, and Ryou: *blabbering at same time about evil homophobic people*

Téa: I also like Yugi, and I was trying to figure out if I could make him so he's not queer. 

Yami: You know that isn't possible.

Téa: Yes it is! Jesus has all the answers! That is why I joined the Liberation of Jesus-Followers, a group designed to purge society of all of those who do not accept him as a savior. If you do not stop your evil ways, I will be forced to hurt you!

Pegasus: *whispers* Reminds me of the Inquisition…

Yami: We were functioning just fine until he came along. All of those storytellers started spinning stories for their children. Heck, half of the stuff in there is not based on fact! 

Téa: *waves around a bible* *thwacks Yami* YOU EGYPTIAN SORCERERS ARE ALL ALIKE! YOU WILL NOT ACCEPT THE ERRORS OF YOUR WAYS!

Pegasus: *gets an evil look on my face and looks at Ryou*

Ryou: *mirror's Pegasus's evil look* *grabs him by the ruffled shirt and pulls him in for a really deep kiss*

Téa: *screams*

Yami: *smirks*

Téa: *this scene has made a permanent mental scar* *lower lip trembles*

Yami: The only thing I can't understand is why you are talking about Jesus but you play Duel Monsters, which was based on a lot of spiritual and religious things…

Téa: My cards have all been purified by the Church of Liberators. I have asked God to forgive me every time I play. He knows that I accept him as my one and only God.

Bakura: *takes over Ryou in the middle of the kiss* *pulls Pegasus in deeper* *draws away finally* Yami, you know, this would be a good time to teach her that there is more than one right path.

Yami: You try to explain it to her, Bakura. If you don't get her to understand, I'll intervene. Yugi is very protective of her.

Bakura: In Ancient Egypt, there were many paths of life. I was a tomb robber. Tomb robbing was a profession in the good old days. There were guilds and hierarchies just like any other profession. I started robbing tombs when I was about two years younger than Ryou, and I was what we called a "freelance tomb robber." It's just like religion. There are many different paths, and all of them eventually lead to the right thing.

Yami: *whispers* I knew he was going to work in grave robbing somehow…

Bakura: Shut up.

Yami: You shut up.

Bakura: No, you shut up!

Yami: I'm pharaoh!

Bakura: I would have robbed your grave!

Yami: You would have been an old man before you had the opportunity!

Bakura: No I wouldn't! Your assassination was scheduled for the day after you sealed the Shadow Realm for that short time!

Yami: You knew this?

Bakura: Yes.

Yami: Who else knew?

Téa: I did.

Yami: You weren't even alive back then!

Téa: Jesus talks to me. He is my savior. He spoke to me about the assassination while I was opening myself to his infinite wisdom.

Yami: Anyone else?

Pegasus: I knew.

Yami: And how did you know? Please tell me you didn't hear voices…

Pegasus: No, I don't have schizophrenia. I was someone back in Egypt; I don't know who precisely, but I sometimes have dreams about my past life. I was the one who was with Bakura in his evil plans.

Bakura: You remember that?

Pegasus: No, I had a dream about it, and I used my Millennium Eye to find the seed of truth inside my dream so I could have a flashback.

Bakura: Wow; that Millennium Eye is useful!

Pegasus: Yes, it is.

Téa: *staring at Pegasus* *just noticed this* You're wearing bikini underpants! *giggle*

Pegasus: It's not my fault. The suit I was wearing is possessed by an evil spirit. It is looking for us; it wants to take over the world!

Téa: *laughs* An evil suit?

*Kaiba decides this is the right time to walk in*

Pegasus: Kaiba-boy!

Kaiba: Hello, Pegasus. *is holding a bouquet of flowers*

Bakura: Where did you get those?

Kaiba: While you were distracting the suit, I went to pick up some flowers.

VU: *yells down from where I'm writing the story* He has a crush on Téa!

Téa: I thought you were gay.

Kaiba: No, I'm not; I'm bi. 

Téa: *happy dance* A SALVAGABLE!

Kaiba: Um… no. That's not how it works. ANYWAY, I was coming over here to see if I could ask you to go to the movies sometimes, maybe a few parties in my social division. I think you're really sweet, Téa, and my psychologist said that I needed to get over my fear of rejection, so I'm asking you out.

Téa: *falls into Kaiba's arms comically* I accept!

Pegasus: Now he'll really be impossible!

Kaiba: *little glare*

Yami: I thought he liked me… *sniffle* THIS IS JUST PERFECT! I'M LOCKING MYSELF IN MY SOUL ROOM AND I'M NEVER COMING OUT!

Pegasus: Good riddance…

Bakura: Yami's gone soft… isn't good for mental state…

Yugi: What did you people do? Yami won't come out of his soul room! *sees Téa and Kaiba* NOOO! *cries*

*the scene shifts to somewhere out on the street where the suit is slinking around*

Jou: *walks down the street with several bags of food* *hums*

The Suit: **NOW I WILL HAVE A NEW HOST! *jumps him***

Jou: AAAH! *wails and screams* SOMEONE'S RAPING ME!

The Suit: NO. **IT IS I, THE SUIT. YOU WILL BE MY DWELLING!**

Jou: Oh, that's good. I thought I was being violated.

The Suit: No, you will just be taken over by me for as long as your body endures. In time, I will break you and make you my mental slave with no will of your own. Of course I'm not violating you!

Jou: You're right, you're… Hey wait a sec! Wouldn't that be a type of violation? *the suit slips in the arm*

The Suit: **HA-HA! FOOLISH MORTAL! WHILE I BAFFLED YOU WITH MY WITS, I MADE YOU MINE FOR ALL TIME! NOW YOU WILL LOSE HOLD OF YOUR BODY AND I WILL TAKE CONTROL OF YOU!**

Jou-Suit: **FOOLISH MORTAL. NOW I HAVE CONTROL OF YOUR BODY. WE WILL SEEK OUT YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL LURE THEM ALL UNDER MY CONTROL, ESPECIALLY THAT PATHETIC GIRL, MAI, WHO HAS HAD CORRECTIVE SURGERY BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN AS AN IT.  YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE NEVER, EVER DONE!**

Jou: _Are you my yami?_

Jou-Suit: **NO. I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL SUIT, THE ALL-POWERFUL SON OF AMON RE, WHO WENT THROUGH A PHASE OF MENTAL INSTABILITY AND DECIDED TO CREATE ME ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO.**

Jou: _NOOO! Leave me alone! Leave Mai alone!_

Jou-Suit: **YOUR COMEBACK WAS A LITTLE LATE, JOUNOUCHI. *walks down the street in Jou's body* *evil chuckle* ****NOW THE WORLD WILL BE MINE.**


	4. The Abduction

            Authoress's Note: Don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh." I don't think I have much else to say…

*at some nameless fancy restaurant*

Kaiba: Téa, your eyes look like…

Téa: Yes, Kaiba?

Kaiba: They look a lot like mine. They have no hint of a soul…

Téa: Thank you. I worked for hours on getting that look in my eyes…

*somewhere behind the big, flowering plants that every good restaurant on TV has*

Pegasus: *with binoculars* He's going for her…

Ryou: He is?

Pegasus: *looks again* No, wait, he's just brushing an eyelash off her cheek.

Ryou: This is the most boring thing I have ever done!

Bakura: No kidding.

Yami: Why are we even here?

Bakura: You're not even supposed to be here, Yami. I told you to take Yugi home. How did you know where we were going?

Yami: I was stalking you.

Pegasus: I told you it wasn't my imagination!

Ryou: Aye, and what a big imagination it is!

Pegasus: Where did you learn how to do that accent?

Ryou: Do you have a problem with it?

Pegasus: No. You sound like the guy with those charms on TV… always interrupts my cartoons…

Ryou: Why, thank you, Pegasus…

Bakura: *about ready to blow up* Pegasus, what is Kaiba doing now?

Pegasus: He's on one knee…

Ryou and Bakura: Aaaaw…

Pegasus: She's kicked him in the crotch!

Yami: Ouch.

Bakura: She doesn't know how to properly beat someone up.

Ryou: Yeah, I mean, you beat me up and you do a good job, but I can see it vaguely through the bushes, and she had the wrong form.

Pegasus: She's storming off with tears in her eyes!

Ryou: Ooh… I don't feel so sorry for her…

*at the doors to the restaurant*

Jou-Suit: **HELLO, TÉA. **

Téa: Hi, Jou. What is it with your voice?

Jou-Suit: **I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION.**

Jou: _Liar!_

Jou-Suit: **_Oh, come on, it was the only thing I could think of._**

Téa: So, Jou, what are you doing here?

Jou-Suit: *evil laughter* **I HAVE COME FOR YOU. YOU WILL BE MY QUEEN.**

Téa: *blushes* Wow…

Kaiba: *limps to the exit* Wait! Téa! Don't go with him!

Téa: I will go with him if I want to! You dumped me!

Kaiba: I only said I was too busy with work to go to Sunday worship with you!

Téa: If you can't go with God, you can't go with me!

Kaiba: And here I thought you had a problem with bisexuals!

Jou-Suit: **NOW, YOUR PRECIOUS GIRLFRIEND WILL BE MINE FOR ALL ETERNITY. I WILL PUT HER IN HER FAVORITE OUTFIT AND WE WILL HAVE HOSTS. WE WILL RULE THE WORLD.**

Téa: Wait… I don't want to rule the world! I want to get closer to God!

Kaiba: Téa!

Jou-Suit: *takes her by the arm* *goes to spirit her off to my lair*

Kaiba: TÉA! NO!

Téa: Kaiba… you were right… *sob* *screams*

Kaiba: Téa… *starts crying*

*Pegasus, Bakura, Ryou, and Yami run out from their hiding place*

Yami: HAH! Kaiba's crying! Kaiba's crying! *does a dance*

Pegasus: *tries to comfort Seto* It's okay, Kaiba…

Kaiba: No! It's not okay! That – thing – has her! 

Ryou: Don't worry, Kaiba. We'll get her back.

Kaiba: *cries hard her* He said he would make her like him… a piece of clothing! *screams at top of lungs* NOOO! *falls onto knees and cries*

Yami: *stops dancing* Okay, this is pathetic. The one time I have a chance to celebrate and he just sits there like a vegetable!

Bakura: I agree with you… I don't really like his actions, either…

Pegasus: We'll have to get Téa back somehow. Someone needs to deposit Mr. Vegetable somewhere safe so he won't get mugged.

Yami: I'll take him home. Yugi's Grandpa would love to watch the billionaire. He might even put the mental breakdown in the news. *picks up Seto and leaves*

Bakura: I have a stash of makeup in my soul room…

Ryou: I have a stash of weapons…

Pegasus: I have a stash of dresses in my Eye… 

Everyone: LET'S GO!


	5. Random Outbursts from Mr. Vegetable

Authoress's Note: Yes, I do update – when I want to. There is no logic to my updating, but it will be updated when I feel like updating it, which means that whenever I'm in an extremely elated mood, you might get a new chapter… which is usually about once every few days…. This is my current humor fic, which I am writing both to balance my really dark, angst-y horror fic. This is also to prove that Pegasus doesn't have to be evil.

            And this is my first fic that will STAY PG-13! *little dance*

            Don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh…"

*somewhere in the Suit's lair*

Téa: *tied to the wall* I'll never join you! You're a monster!

Jou-Suit: **YOU MIGHT THINK THAT, MY YOUNG BRIDE-TO-BE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE OF ME. I WILL PERFORM THE RITUAL THAT WILL PUT YOU INTO THIS SKANKY GARMENT FOR ALL TIME. *holds up something that looks very prostitute-y* **

Téa: *as visual innocence is shattered* NOOO! I'LL NEVER WEAR THAT MONSTROSITY!

Jou-Suit: **YES, YOU WILL, MY YOUNG BRIDE-TO-BE. WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR ALL TIME.**

Téa: Not if my boyfriend Kaiba can save me!

Jou-Suit: **YOUR PATHETIC BOYFRIEND CAN'T EVEN STAND NOW, LET ALONE RESCUE YOU! I HAVE BROKEN HIS MIND BY TAKING YOU FROM HIM, MANIPULATING YOUR FEELINGS UNTIL YOU LASHED OUT AT HIM! AND NOW, TÉA, YOU WILL SEE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS CITY, THIS NATION, THIS HEMISPHERE, THIS WORLD, THIS SOLAR SYSTEM, THIS LOCAL STAR GROUP, THIS SECTOR, THIS GALAXY, THIS LOCAL GALAXY GROUP, AND THIS UNIVERSE!**

Téa: *ignores the stuff about the universe* *focuses on the important stuff* So _you are the reason why I kicked him! *stares at him* I HATE YOU! *breaks into a lot of sobs*_

*scene shifts to somewhere in Yugi's house*

Kaiba: Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Tea. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa.

Yami: You know what, Bakura? I kind of like this background noise. It kind of gives us a purpose.

Bakura: I know what you mean, idiot-Pharaoh. This background rocks! I love the pathetic, broken sound to his—

Ryou: *jealously grabs him* You're supposed to beat up only me, Bakura! How could you say something about breaking another being?

Bakura: Here comes that speech…

Pegasus: You mean the one you're always complaining about?

Bakura: Yeah….

Ryou: I am a masochist. I like being hurt, and I like hurting myself. You are a sadist, Bakura; you like hurting others. In this respect, we are perfect for each other! I love you so much, Bakura, and I love the way you hit me and kiss me and make me fight back until I faint…

Bakura: *starts crying* I'm so touched…

Yami: *sniffle*

Pegasus: Oh, please! That makes you guys _cry?_

Bakura and Yami: YES! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL! *sobs*

Pegasus: Oh là là…

Bakura: He's talking in French again…

Yami: So?

Bakura: I hate it when he does that… you never understand what he says…

Yami: Can't we ask Seto what he's saying?

Bakura: Is Seto able to do that?

Seto: In the context used by Mr. Maxamillion Pegasus, "Oh là là" means "oh dear." *says this like a dictionary*

Bakura: Ooh… can I rent him for Ryou's homework?

Ryou: *blush* BAKURA!

Bakura: Sorry… I just really like those talking dictionaries…

Seto: *in a flat voice* I am not a talking dictionary. I must save Téa. 

Pegasus: All right-y then…

Bakura: What were we talking about, anyway?

Yami: I don't know. Any ideas, Pegasus?

Ryou: *whispers* No one bothered to ask me…

Bakura: *hisses* Shut up…

Pegasus: Um… 

Ryou: No, you shut up.

Bakura: *reminds self to do happy dance later* No, you shut up!

Pegasus: I think—

Ryou: No, you shut up!

Pegasus: I know— *is interrupted again*

Bakura: You!

Pegasus: Never mind…

Ryou: You!

Bakura: You!

Ryou: You!

Bakura: You!

Ryou: You!

Yami: WILL EVERYONE PLEASE BE QUIET?!

Seto: *small voice* We need to save Téa-with-the-sparkling-soulful-eyes.

Yami: Ah… *admires Seto's wits* 

Bakura: He's so intelligent… *gawks*

Ryou: I agree… *smiles*

Pegasus: It wasn't that hard to remember. I was about ready to say it, but Ryou and Bakura interrupted me! I could have been the one everyone gawked at! I could have been the saintly one! But, nooooooo! You had to interrupt me and make Kaiba-boy seem intelligent when he is really stupid compared to me! *pouts*

Ryou: Now that, class, is what we call "regression."

Yami, Bakura, and Seto: Aaaah… Ryou so smart…

Ryou: And that is what we call improper grammar.

Pegasus: *mumbles something that the authoress omitted so the story can remain PG-13*

Ryou: PEGASUS! *is numb with shock* *lower lip trembles* *starts shaking*

Bakura: Look at what you did! He's lost his innocence!

Pegasus: No, he hasn't.

Bakura: Yes, he has.

Pegasus: No, he hasn't.

Bakura: Yes, he has!

Ryou: *gives them both the LOOK*

Pegasus and Bakura: Aaaaaw… he's so CUTE! *both give Ryou a big hug*

Seto: *gives the three people the Look* You are pathetic… let's go save Téa.

Pegasus: Yeah. Blowtorches?

Everyone else: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Pegasus: I know.

Everyone else: Oh.

*fade out*

Jou: _I don't like this…_

Jou-Suit: **_No one ever said you had to like it. You will obey me, slave._**

Jou: _I don't even like __Téa!_

Jou-Suit: **_That's too bad, Jou… that's too bad…  *evil laughter*_**


	6. Blowtorches!

Authoress's Note: Sorry for the long time between updates. Things are really hectic with school, but things are finally coming under control. This is the next chapter, and yes, it is pretty pointless and it is another little slip-up in the plot that the characters must overcome. I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh!" at all, no matter how much I dream. Reviews of this story are greatly appreciated.

Bakura: Sweet! *holds up a really big blowtorch*

Ryou: *smiles* These are nice blowtorches, Pegasus. Where did you get them?

Pegasus: I had a prophetic dream several weeks ago and ordered them.

Bakura: You did? How many dreams like that do you get?

Pegasus: A lot.

Ryou: How reliable are your dreams? I mean, you sometimes dance around the bed screaming "Cynthia!" at night!

Bakura: *growl* How would you know that?

Ryou: I… uh…

Pegasus: What he means to say is…

Ryou: Yeah, what I mean to say is…

Bakura: Ryou, have you lost your virginity?

Ryou: *shaky voice* Y-yes…

Pegasus: *covers eye and tries to shut down the Eye* I don't want to see or feel this…

Kaiba: Must… save… Téa… Must… save… Téa…

Bakura: *hits Ryou with the blowtorch* You die now, angel-boy! I was supposed to be the One! You big traitor!

Ryou: *screams* *hides behind Kaiba* Don't let him get me!

Kaiba: Must… save… Téa… Must… save… Téa…

Bakura: You're hiding behind Mr. Vegetable? *ignites the blowtorch* *dark voice* You're going down, angel-boy…

Ryou: NOOOOOOO!

Bakura: YEEEEEEEEEESSS!

Ryou: NOOOOOOOO!

Bakura: YEEEEEEEEESSS!

Kaiba: Could you both please shut up? The screaming is hurting my ears!

Ryou: Sorry…

Bakura: *runs behind Kaiba and lets a stream of fire go toward Ryou* Die, you evil demon! Die! You were supposed to be mine! Mine! Pegasus is mine, too! But you are my sadist-mood mine!

Ryou: NOOOOOOOO! *is engulfed in flames* *burns to a cinder* *falls down as ash*

Pegasus: Dude, you just killed Ryou!

Bakura: I WHAT?! *looks down at the torch, then at the ashes* *goes into a hysterical mode* NO! I killed him! Now I will be banished to the Ring! No! Hey, wait! I'm not gone yet!

Kaiba: Weren't you listening to the director?

Pegasus: Director?

Kaiba: Yeah. *takes script out of pocket* It says here: "Ryou switches to stunt double." That means that the guy you killed wasn't Ryou. It was one of those people the authoress pays to get killed.

Bakura: Why would they want to do that?

Kaiba: It's a productive death.

Bakura: I see…

Kaiba: And everything we are saying right now is in the script.

Bakura: Really? *grabs the script* Hey! I know what you're going to say next! You don't even need to bother saying it because I know what you're going to say!

Pegasus: *murmurs unhappily* Now you know how I feel…

Bakura: HAH! I knew you would say that!

Kaiba: Oh my god… *wrenches the script out of his hands* Never let the insane get their hands on the plot…

*somewhere in the big building where the thing is being shot*

Ryou: *flushes the toilet in the girls' bathroom* *humming nicely* *re-applies mascara* *does hair* I am so glad I have that stunt double. *wipes hands off on jeans and walks toward the door* Wouldn't want anything bad to happen to me… *slips and falls on the floor* Ooof…

Jou-Suit: **HA-HA! SUPER WAX-WORK REALLY DOES WORK!**

Ryou: *gives Jou-Suit a dark glare* Why are you in the girls' toilet?

Jou-Suit: **I HATE YOU!**

Ryou: *gets up* *slowly walks to the door* That's really low, don't you think? *opens the door* My sexual preference doesn't require you do make me miserable.

*about five minutes later*

Bakura and Pegasus: RYOU! *hugs and kisses* We thought you would never come back!

Ryou: *kisses them both on the cheeks* It was nothing to worry about. I just went to refresh my makeup. Now, where were we? *takes out script* Ah, yes, we were going to actually advance in the plot by going out the door.

Pegasus: *hands the real Ryou a blowtorch* Of course. 

Ryou: *secures the blowtorch* *gets a really evil idea* *whispers it to Kaiba*

Kaiba: *eyes widen* You mean… *more whispering*

Ryou: Yes.

Kaiba and Ryou: AAAAAARGH!!! *run at the other two with blowtorches*

  
Pegasus and Bakura: AAAAAAH! *run for the door*

Ryou: I'm going to hurt you!

Kaiba: You two had better get your butts moving before I get you!

*front door slams*

Kaiba: How was that, Ryou?

Ryou: Good job.

Kaiba: We got out the front door.

Ryou: Yes. I hope that was in the script…

Kaiba: Of course it was!

Pegasus: *pants* Never do that again!

Bakura: *evil glare* Aibou…

Pegasus and Kaiba: Aaaaaaaaaaaaw… how cute…

Bakura: *evil glare* 

Ryou: Wait, where is Yami Yugi?

Bakura: Um… don't you know?

Pegasus: Wasn't he in our last little thing?

Ryou: Yeah… but… where did he go?

Everyone: Uh…

Yami: I am here.

Everyone else: Where's Yugi at?

Yami: I had to sing Yugi his nightly lullaby.

Everyone: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw… that's so cute!

Pegasus: *hands Yami a blowtorch* Let's go kick some Suit!


	7. Lost!

Authoress's Note: Here (finally!) is the next chapter in my really insane story. The story is actually moving in this section, and we are about ¾ of the way up the little plot chart on "rising action." The climax might be in about two chapters, and the resolution will follow. Thank you for putting up with my insanity. Please review, as I greatly appreciate comments and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS of my work. I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh." Thanks!

Kaiba: Must… save… Téa…

Bakura: Will you please shut up?

Kaiba: We are lost!

Bakura: No, we are not lost!

Kaiba: Yes, we are lost!

Pegasus: We're lost.

Bakura: No, we are not lost!

Pegasus: Yes, we are lost.

Ryou: No, actually, we are not lost.

Pegasus: We aren't?

Ryou: *starts humming mysteriously* My Millennium Ring will help us find the whereabouts of that evil suit!

Bakura: Brilliant plan, Ryou! Why didn't I think of that?

Kaiba: *mumbling inaudibly* Because you are a (censored word).

Bakura: *picks up the cuss word out of all of the other words* WHAT?!

Kaiba: Nothing!

  
Bakura: I heard you say (BEEP!)!

Kaiba: *stares at Bakura* H-how… 

Pegasus: Bakura has one of those sensors in his mind that can detect curses in every language in the world…

Everyone else: Oooooh…

Bakura: *smirk* I know you want me.

Kaiba: I… want… Téa…

Ryou: Oh, shut the (BEEP) up!

Bakura: RYOU! 

Ryou: *curls into a little ball* I'm so sorry! 

Bakura: *hugs him* YOU SAID YOUR FIRST WORD! *starts crying* I am so happy!

Ryou: Oh… *hugs him back* Thank you for the support…

Pegasus: *starts to go slightly red in the face*

Kaiba: Five…

Ryou: I love you so much, Bakura!

Kaiba: Four…

Bakura: *eyes dance* Really?

Kaiba: Three…

Ryou: Yes, Bakura! I love you! *plants a big kiss on his mouth*

Kaiba: Two…

Bakura: *acts really surprised*

Kaiba: One…

Bakura: *arms circle around and somehow latch onto Ryou* *is almost drowning from the wave of emotions coming through the Link*

Kaiba: Boom…

Pegasus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! *runs at Ryou with a scream* MY BAKURA!

Ryou: NO! MY BAKURA!

*the argument goes on for about three more minutes*

Kaiba: I think we have almost hit the world record for trading insults…

Bakura: Right… *looks at the two arguing men* Technically, Ryou and I are the same person… you don't have to get mad… 

Pegasus: It's not that! It's the whole principle of the thing!

Bakura: *blushes furiously* Pegasus! Please!

Ryou: *gives Pegasus the Look* 

Pegasus: Aaaaw… he's so _cute!_

Kaiba: *knocks Pegasus over the head with a mallet* Okay, Ryou, use that ring of yours to find her! I came here to save Téa, not have some sort of insane fight between Ryou and Pegasus over Bakura!

Yami: You… didn't?

Bakura: That's why everyone signed up for this in the first place!

Kaiba: *face goes white* It is?

Everyone else: Well, duh!

Yami: Wait! I came in it so I could have an excuse to kiss my beautiful little aibou…

Pegasus and Bakura: *snicker*

Kaiba: Your "beautiful little aibou" whines whenever he's poked in the shoulder!

Yami: That's why he's so cute and cuddly and… *trails off* Never mind.

*across the city in a black room with black candles and weird chanting*

Jou-Suit: **NOW I SHALL BEGIN THE RITUAL THAT WILL PUT YOU IN THIS SUIT, MY LOVE.**

Téa: Kaiba… *struggles* Will stop you, Suit!

Jou-Suit: *evil laughter*** DON'T BE TOO SURE ABOUT THAT, MY PRECIOUS. **

Téa: *looks out the barred window desperately* Kaiba… please hurry, my salvageable love… 


	8. Divided in the Search

Authoress's Note: Okay! We're back, and we have the next part of the story! I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh" at all, this story is filled with craziness, and I'm INSANE! MWAHAHAHAHA! Um, and I don't own the name "Mister Bigglesworth." It's owned by the owners of the movie _Austin Powers. _

Ryou: *runs with the glowing ring* Left!

*everyone turns right*

Ryou: No, I said left, not right, okay?

Everyone else: Right!

Ryou: Halt!

Yami: Why are we halting? Since when are you in charge of this operation!

Ryou: I have the Millennium Ring! You all must bow to me!

Pegasus: We have been going 'round in circles all (BEEP) night! 

Bakura: *snicker*

Yami: Ryou, I'll bet you five billion dollars that I know what that (BEEP) meant…

Ryou: You don't even own five billion dollars, Yami Yugi! Why should I believe anything you say? Besides, I have access to Bakura's Word Power through the link. Pegasus said (BEEP).

Bakura: Ryou! *runs up and hugs him* This is positive reinforcement. I love you so much because you have finally awakened to the evil inside you! Show me what you're made of!

Ryou: You lout… 

Bakura: *happy dance*

Pegasus: Didn't something like this just occur?

Yami: Yeah. It is freaky!

Kaiba: Must… save… Téa…

Pegasus: WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?

Kaiba: But I… must… save… Téa…

Yami: Why would anyone want to do a foolish thing like that? Maybe she wants her life force to be in prostitutes' garments for the rest of her life!

Pegasus: I never thought of it that way… what do you say, Kaiba? Do you want to leave Téa alone so we can all go to Ryou's house and have some fun? I'll bring the—

Kaiba: You FOOLS! For all we know, he could have already started the dark ritual! I am not risking her life because you all think I am an in-the-closet homosexual! I am _bi. There is a difference between __homosexuality and __bisexuality. *sound of crickets chirping*_

Kaiba: Never mind…

Ryou: Okay, let's press on!

Bakura: Wait, I think Yami should not be right behind you, Ryou.

Yami: Why not?!

Bakura: You can't tell the difference between right and left!

Yami: There is a difference?

Pegasus: *whispers* I know something you don't know… 

Bakura: OF COURSE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! *hits Yami on the head with a sledgehammer*

Pegasus: *slightly louder* I know something you don't know…

Bakura: You are a pathetic lout, Yami! I remember you were intelligent in Ancient Egypt, but now your precious aibou has affected you so much that you are losing your intellectual edge over the commoners! You make me sick!

Yami: Yeah, well at least I don't have a cat named MISTER BIGGLESWORTH! 

Bakura: What is wrong with having a cat with that name?

Yami: That name isn't Egyptian!

Bakura: It's the name of the cat of a diabolical genius!

Yami: DOCTOR EVIL WAS NOT A GENIUS!

Bakura: YES HE WAS!

  
Yami: NO HE WASN'T!

Pegasus: WILL EVERYONE PLEASE **_SHUT THE (BEEP) UP!_**

*total silence*

Pegasus: Okay. There is a teleportation facility very close to here. In fact, it is on the same block. I know the woman who owns it. She is a genius. She once teleported me halfway around the world. I am sure that she can use her psychic powers to locate *ahem* Téa and transport us directly to the whereabouts of the Suit.

Kaiba: But how do we get the suit off of Jou? 

Pegasus: Um…

Bakura: Um…

Ryou: Uh…

Yami: Ah…uh…

Kaiba: You're all INCOMPETENT! *storms off*

Ryou: Don't take it personally. I'm sure he's just having a bad night, what with his girlfriend being taken by his side-platter lover who is possessed by a suit of power great enough to destroy the world…

Bakura: *snicker* What does he see in Téa anyway? 

Ryou: I don't know. She's the most annoying (BEEP) I have ever met.

Bakura: *happy dance*

Pegasus: *puts hand over face* Bakura, please tell me you won't do that every time Ryou says a word…

Bakura: Is there something wrong with it?

Pegasus: No, but it is a distraction…

Ryou: *quietly* I'm going to find Kaiba…

Bakura: Oh, a distraction… *winks at him* I am quite the distraction, am I not?

Somewhere in the vicinity… 

Ryou: *runs after Kaiba* *catches him on the arm* Kaiba, I am so sorry for what they said to you. They are not very considerate of others. 

Kaiba: Thank you for coming to look for me, Ryou. At least someone else cares about the welfare of my belovéd… 

Ryou: *blushes* I'm also very concerned for you. I know it hurts to be the only bisexual in a primarily homosexual group. They don't mean a lot of what they say about you; most of their words are based on ignorance.

Kaiba: *clenches fists* It's not fair that she was taken from me. I will make the Suit pay for what he has done to my belovéd… 

Ryou: *touches Kaiba affectionately on the shoulder* I'm sure you will, Kaiba. Let's go find her while the others are arguing.

Kaiba: Aren't you worried about their welfare?

Ryou: No. Pegasus is intelligent; he can lead them all back to my house. Besides, you need the most help.

Kaiba: Thank you, Ryou.

Ryou: *blushes* You're welcome, Kaiba.

Back where the rest of the people are…

Yami: Has anyone seen Ryou?

Bakura: No! Where did he go?

Pegasus: I have no idea. You don't suppose the Suit got him, too, do you?

Bakura: We have to go find him! Just think… he could be wandering out there alone, scared… mugged… murdered… and we wouldn't be able to stop it!

*they begin their search for Ryou*

Meanwhile…

Jou-Suit: **MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, NOW I WILL BEGIN THE RITUAL THAT WILL PUT YOU INTO THOSE PROSTITUTE GARMENTS. THE PREPARATION IS COMPLETE.**

Téa: Wait, I thought you said you had already begun the ritual…

Jou-Suit: **I MISCALCULATED.**

Téa: Oh.

Jou-Suit:** I LOVE YOU, MY SKIMPY-GARMENT-TO-BE…**

Téa: I hate you! Leave me alone! *despairingly* Oh, where can my love be…


	9. And Action!

Authoress's Note: Okay, after a while of being so busy that I barely got nine hours of sleep, I have come to make the next part of the story. *smiles* I am so happy! This part is about a page longer than the others… :-) This one has some vulgar things in it, so watch out…

            Disclaimer: I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh!"

*Kaiba and Ryou find their way to a certain place called "Yur Aynis Creative Teleportation Facility."

Kaiba: Wow. Let's go inside!

Ryou: Why would we do that? We can find Téa without the help of some crackpot old fool named Yur Aynis.  

Kaiba: The name "Yur Aynis" sound familiar… isn't that the name of a planet?

Ryou: No, the planet is pronounced Yur-uh-nus. This person's name is Yur Aynis. 

Kaiba: *slaps Ryou* Why are you talking about me like that? I thought you were different from those other people, but all this time you've been trying to get into my pants! I am in a committed relationship to someone else, Ryou. You have to learn that you don't always get what you want! You are the dirtiest (BEEP) I have ever met!

Ryou: *small voice* Um… I wasn't talking about you… that's the person's name…

Kaiba: It is?

Ryou: Yes… do you still want to go in there?

Kaiba: Yes! We will go in there and we will save Téa from that evil suit! 

*meanwhile…*

Bakura: Pegasus, are you sure we're going in the right direction?

Pegasus: Yes. If we go to the teleportation facility, she can teleport us to where Kaiba and Ryou are, and if they are with the Suit, then we will triumph! *holds up a blow torch* *it accidentally goes off*

Bakura: *claps hand over mouth and stares at Yami*

Pegasus: *eyes widen and stare at Yami*

Yami: What are you two looking at? OW! AAAH! MY HAIR IS ON FIIIIRE! *runs around screaming*

Pegasus: He doesn't have a very good reaction time, does he, Bakura?

Bakura: No… I don't think so… he never did when we were in Egypt. The rumor was that he got hard five minutes after stimulation occurred. 

Pegasus: Oh Gods… *bangs hands on head* Bad image! Bad image!

Yami: *finally puts the fire out* You two hate me!

Bakura and Pegasus: No! Never! *fingers crossed behind backs*

Yami: That's it! I'm going home, changing into a dress, and hitting the mall! You guys have no appreciation of me! *starts crying*

Bakura: *whispers* Oh Gods… he is beginning to act like Yugi… *decides that isn't a nice thought* *walks up to Yami and slaps him in the face* Yo, Pharaoh! You're not quitting now! How would Yugi feel if he knew his dark side was giving up on saving Jou? He would hate you forever! You have to be strong, Yami, because Yugi just… well, Yugi… Yugiisaweakling. And you have to rise above his impairment and learn how to be the Pharaoh you were in ancient Egypt! 

Pegasus: Nice pep talk!

Bakura: *ruffles hair* It was good, wasn't it?

Yami: Oh, thank you, Bakura! Never before have I caught on to the fact that my aibou is a weak little sissy! Thank you for awakening me to the fact that I need to toughen him up before he heads out into the world! *hugs Bakura*

Bakura: *choking* Don't… ack… mention… it…

Pegasus: Now you two, I think we should go find the teleportation shop…

*about five minutes later*

Bakura: Yur Aynis?

Pegasus: Hey! She is a very good teleportation technician! She can't help having a weird name.

Yami: She could change it.

Bakura: Yeah, she could change it…

Yami: Though I hear it is a very trying legal process…

Pegasus: I think she likes her name. It was given to her by her parents; they died seventy years ago of leukemia. Her name was the most important item they gave her!

Yami: But also the lamest…

Pegasus: *pulls the door open and shoves Yami through* Don't talk like that…

Bakura: *sees who is inside* RYOU! *runs up and hugs him* My little baby… are you okay?

Ryou: Yeah, I'm fine. Kaiba's here, too.

Bakura: I noticed. 

Kaiba: We must save my true love. 

Yur Aynis: I waited until you were all here with me, but now I shall send you all in the name of love to this place where he holds your beautiful maiden prisoner! You shall make your mother proud, Pegasus!

Pegasus: Thank you, grandmother.

Yur Aynis: *concentrates and mumbles some stuff* *everyone disappears in a flash* Godspeed, my little boy…

*in an abandoned warehouse…*

Jou-Suit: **O GREAT SUIT-MAKER! PLEASE MAKE THIS FINE YOUNG LADY MY PARTNER FOREVER. TRANSMIT HER SOUL AND MIND INTO THIS PROSTITUTE'S GARMENT SO SHE WILL BE MINE FOREVER!**

Téa: *struggles* No! Never!

Jou-Suit: **AARGH! WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET? I AM TRYING TO DO THE RITUAL THAT WILL UNITE US FOREVER! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WHEN YOU'RE DOING A PATHETIC JOB OF ACTING LIKE THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! TRY TO BE A LITTLE MORE CONVINCING!**

Téa: Okay… *lets out a loud wail* Go away! I hate you! I don't want to be with you forever!

Jou-Suit: **THAT'S MORE LIKE IT, MY BEAUTIFUL DARLING. STRUGGLE, WAIL, SCREAM; NOTHING WILL SAVE YOU FROM MY POWERS NOW, NOT EVEN THAT STUPID BOYFRIEND OF YOURS!**

*suddenly, a brilliant flash shoots through the abandoned warehouse*

Kaiba: You won't do anything to her, Suit! I will stop you!

Jou-Suit: **YOU HAVEN'T THE POWER TO STOP ME, LITTLE BRAT! I WILL TRIUMPH OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A WEAK PIPSQUEAK AND I AM A STRONG SUIT THAT HAS TAKEN OVER THE BODY OF SOMEONE WITH A ****LOT**** OF STRENGTH. AND IF THAT DOESN'T IMMOBILIZE YOU… JOU LOVES YOU!**

Kaiba: He… does?

Jou-Suit: *a brilliant flash of light* **YOU FOOL! NO ONE CAN STOP THE SUIT!**

Kaiba: *is thrown across the room and lands against the wall, blood streaming down face from a cut on forehead*

Téa: No! *she starts crying* That wasn't supposed to happen!

Jou-Suit: **YES, MY DEAR, IT WAS.**

Téa: No, it wasn't supposed to happen! Look at the script! *she gets out of her bonds and takes out a worn, black book labeled _Pegasus's Wardrobe Change* He's supposed to come through and you give your speech. Then you start laughing and dancing around in a circle while he and his friends try to develop a plan!_

Director: Yeah. We're going to have to take this scene from the top, guys. Jou-Suit, you're not acting to the best of your abilities today. Everyone take five. Kaiba, get up.

Kaiba: I knew that fake blood would come in handy sometime…

Director: Good cover, Kaiba. You will someday be a great success in the movie industry.

Kaiba: Thanks. *walks off the set and takes a drink of water* 

*five minutes later*

Director: And… action!

*in an abandoned warehouse…*

Jou-Suit: **O GREAT SUIT-MAKER! PLEASE MAKE THIS FINE YOUNG LADY MY PARTNER FOREVER. TRANSMIT HER SOUL AND MIND INTO THIS PROSTITUTE'S GARMENT SO SHE WILL BE MINE FOREVER!**

Téa: *struggles* No! Never!

Jou-Suit: **AARGH! WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET? I AM TRYING TO DO THE RITUAL THAT WILL UNITE US FOREVER! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WHEN YOU'RE DOING A PATHETIC JOB OF ACTING LIKE THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! TRY TO BE A LITTLE MORE CONVINCING!**

Téa: Okay… *lets out a loud wail* Go away! I hate you! I don't want to be with you forever!

Jou-Suit: **THAT'S MORE LIKE IT, MY BEAUTIFUL DARLING. STRUGGLE, WAIL, SCREAM; NOTHING WILL SAVE YOU FROM MY POWERS NOW, NOT EVEN THAT STUPID BOYFRIEND OF YOURS!**

*suddenly, a brilliant flash shoots through the abandoned warehouse*

Kaiba: You won't do anything to her, Suit! I will stop you!

Jou-Suit: **YOU HAVEN'T THE POWER TO STOP ME, LITTLE BRAT! I WILL TRIUMPH OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A WEAK PIPSQUEAK AND I AM A STRONG SUIT THAT HAS TAKEN OVER THE BODY OF SOMEONE WITH A ****LOT**** OF STRENGTH. AND IF THAT DOESN'T IMMOBILIZE YOU… JOU LOVES YOU!**

Kaiba: He… does?

Jou-Suit: **YES, AND NOW I WILL TRY TO KILL YOU USING MY INSANE CIRCLE! *jumps around in a circle hooting like a monkey***

Kaiba: Oh, please…

*everyone else appears*

Kaiba: Let's go kick some Suit!


	10. Evil Suits, Love's Illusion, and Pillows...

Authoress's Note: FINALLY THE LAST CHAPTER! The last one kind of left off at a cliffhanger… I don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh!" READ AND REVIEW!

Jou-Suit: *finally figures out that the circle isn't working* **WHAT KIND OF MAGIC IS PROTECTING YOU FROM MY AWESOME POWER?**

Bakura: *laughs quietly* This suit is insane.

Jou-Suit: **NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SUIT! *levitates Kaiba and slams him into the wall* ****YOU ARE PATHETIC! YOU ARE A WRETCH THAT DOES NOT DESERVE THE BEAUTY OF MY ****CHOSEN**** ONE! *levitates him again and shoves him into a beam***

Kaiba: *falls to the floor with a yelp and gets to my feet* At least I don't have to force her love! *is too angry to feel pain*

Jou-Suit: **NO, YOU BUY IT!**

Kaiba: That's it. This *BEEP* is going down! *runs at the Suit with a blowtorch* You _*BEEP(FRENCH CUSS WORD)!*  *turns the blowtorch on and lets the stream of fire at the Suit*_

Jou-Suit: **NO! YOU HAVE DESTROYED ME! I AM ON FIRE, YOU PATHETIC BAKA! NOW MY SWEET DARLING AND I WILL NEVER BE UNITED!**

Téa: Oh, please. I hate you! Kaiba is my one true love! We will be together forever!

Kaiba: *looks uneasy*

Pegasus: I'll take care of this son of a *BEEP.* You free Téa.

Jou-Suit: *evil laughter* **YOU FOOL! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DESTROY ME? I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL SUIT! I FEAR NOTHING!**

Pegasus: You're burning to a crisp.

Kaiba: *runs to Téa and undoes her bonds*

Téa: Oh, my love! 

Kaiba: Yeah. Be right back… *runs toward the suit and kicks the flaming mass of fabric* DIE YOU SON OF A *BEEP*!!!! 

*a massive explosion reverberates through the warehouse, and everyone is blown back several feet. KAIBA is covering his eyes, concerned for Jou's safety, and TÉA is holding onto KAIBA*

Kaiba: *shoves her off and runs toward a small, naked form in the center of the warehouse* JOU! *holds his limp form, tears in eyes* Wake up, Jou…

*everyone else runs over to the scene*

Kaiba: *more tears* You can't die, Jou… come on, you stupid puppy dog…

Jou: *lets out a low moan* *closes eyes tightly and opens them* Where am I? What's happenin'? Oh, Kaiba… *shakes head* What are ya doin'?

Kaiba: You're okay… *eyes start to tear* *hugs him*

Jou: *eyes widen* Yah, Kaiba. Why wouldn't I be? An' aren't ya goin' steady with Téa? Besides, you're rich and ya don't want a pathetic lil' puppy like me.

Kaiba: That's not true, Jou… *looks down* I… I didn't really want to go with Téa. She was the first one who acknowledged me as something more. I'm so sorry…

Jou: S'okay, Kaiba. *kisses him*

Kaiba: *kisses back*

Téa: *stands there with a shocked expression on face* Kaiba! YOU DIRTY, CHEATING *BEEP!* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE LIKE THEM! THAT'S DISGUSTING! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!

Kaiba: Save it, Téa. *turns to Jou and picks him up* Let's get out of here.

*everyone starts walking away but Téa*

Téa: YOU WILL ROT IN HELL FOR YOUR SINS! HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG! IT'S IMMORAL! KAIBA, LISTEN TO ME! GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR SINS IF YOU JUST STAY WITH ME! *is in tears* I LOVE YOU, KAIBA!

*everyone just keeps walking*

*the scene fades as TÉA falls to the floor and cries*

*Pegasus's mansion* *everyone is glued to the television set*

Reporter: …dead in a warehouse. The girl has been identified and her parents have been informed. No one knows how she arrived at the warehouse, and she disappeared the same night that she was on a date with Seto Kaiba, the man in charge of KaibaCorp. When questioned by the police, Kaiba had apparently broken up with Téa at a fancy restaurant. Witnesses reported him leaving with some other people while she went off with a strangely-dressed man…

Bakura: *looks back down at the book I'm reading* Wow.

Kaiba: If she hadn't been so anti-homosexual, she would have left with us and nothing would have happened to her. *ruffles Jou's hair* It's sad that a person of her caliber could be so…

Pegasus: Stupid?

Kaiba: Then again, she always lacked common sense.

Ryou: We all thought that you liked her. 

Kaiba: I don't know what had happened to me. I think the Suit clouded my judgment so I would not deprive him of his host… my little puppy dog… *kisses Jou passionately* 

VU: I wonder who killed her.

Bakura: When did you show up?

VU: Just now. I wanted to check and see how this story was coming.

Kaiba: Thank you for letting me end up with my little puppy dog. *kisses Jou passionately*

VU: You're welcome. *turns to Pegasus* You need a new suit, so I went to the mall and bought one for you… *holds up a scarlet suit*

Pegasus: *stares at it*

Bakura: Try it on, Pegasus. It can't be that bad…

Pegasus: Okay…

*everyone holds their breath as he tries on the suit*

Pegasus: You know, I really like this suit. It reminds me of the clothing I wore when I was a young teenage boy.

Bakura: *kisses Pegasus* I'm happy for you.

Ryou: Where is Yami at?

Kaiba: He's being Yugi's drill sergeant. Yugi's a pathetic weakling.

Jou: He's not a weakling; he's just very sensitive.

Kaiba: Whatever… *throws a pillow at Bakura*

Bakura: Hey! *throws the pillow back and hits Ryou*

Ryou: What the *BEEP?* *throws two pillows – one hits Bakura and the other hits Kaiba*

Kaiba: Baka! *throws the pillow back at him and hits Pegasus*

Ryou: Your aim sucks. *laughs* 

Kaiba: Oh yeah? *throws another one that hits Ryou square in the face* 

Bakura: Hey! No one messes with my aibou! *throws a series of pillows at Kaiba* 

*the entire room turns into ground zero*


End file.
